why i can't stay at home...
i know i go out a lot. in fact, most people know that i don't spend a lot of time inside the house. the ones who know me best know that i cannot stand being in the house for long periods of time.
a lot of people don't understand why, so here's an attempt at an explanation. and no, it's not because i'm a gimikera at heart, there's more to it than that.
kris and i were talking about this last night, about how some people don't really understand our reasons why because they've never been in our shoes. here's the thing:
essentially, i'm alone here. sure, i go home to a house with my cousin and my tito and two maids but they're not mom. they're not dad. they're not even aneka and inna. not MY family. so yes, i consider myself alone.
staying at home is just completely miserable because it's LONELY. it's quiet. it doesn't have that warmth it has everytime everyone is around. when everyone's gone, i just see it as a house. a structure with a purpose. but it isn't home. i'd gladly hang around at home if they were all there - even if we're all doing our own thing. somehow, it's just different that way. the house just feels alive, that's all.
back in jakarta, it was given that anytime, during the week - we'd most probably be out. not even with friends, but with family. at the grocery, eating dinner, or just hanging out. at any given time, there are people at our house visiting. kids running in and out. always a flurry of activity. our quietest day at home is sunday, and even then we eat out. because that's just how it was.
so you see - whenever i'm at home here, i'm reminded of how i'm not with them. and then i get lonely. so i go out, hang out at the mall or whatever, because i'm sure that at that particular moment, they're most probably at the mall too. that's why i get antsy being at home. that's why, even on a sunday, i'm out of the house in the afternoon.
i'm just not used to being at home, without all that warmth.
so if given the chance to be able to get out of the house, even for a few minutes, i'd gladly take it.
ganun lang talaga yun eh.
malungkot kasi.
a lot of people don't understand why, so here's an attempt at an explanation. and no, it's not because i'm a gimikera at heart, there's more to it than that.
kris and i were talking about this last night, about how some people don't really understand our reasons why because they've never been in our shoes. here's the thing:
essentially, i'm alone here. sure, i go home to a house with my cousin and my tito and two maids but they're not mom. they're not dad. they're not even aneka and inna. not MY family. so yes, i consider myself alone.
staying at home is just completely miserable because it's LONELY. it's quiet. it doesn't have that warmth it has everytime everyone is around. when everyone's gone, i just see it as a house. a structure with a purpose. but it isn't home. i'd gladly hang around at home if they were all there - even if we're all doing our own thing. somehow, it's just different that way. the house just feels alive, that's all.
back in jakarta, it was given that anytime, during the week - we'd most probably be out. not even with friends, but with family. at the grocery, eating dinner, or just hanging out. at any given time, there are people at our house visiting. kids running in and out. always a flurry of activity. our quietest day at home is sunday, and even then we eat out. because that's just how it was.
so you see - whenever i'm at home here, i'm reminded of how i'm not with them. and then i get lonely. so i go out, hang out at the mall or whatever, because i'm sure that at that particular moment, they're most probably at the mall too. that's why i get antsy being at home. that's why, even on a sunday, i'm out of the house in the afternoon.
i'm just not used to being at home, without all that warmth.
so if given the chance to be able to get out of the house, even for a few minutes, i'd gladly take it.
ganun lang talaga yun eh.
malungkot kasi.
Comments
Ha Ha. I used to be like that. Good thing my place was in front of school so instead of going out, people were always over. School became my family during college.
Sigh. But sometimes, I do miss independent. :)
jenn
but old habits die hard.
i've proven that once again. hehe.=)