my First blog

i'm going home tomorrow! i'm flying back to jakarta tomorrow!! sad as i am about leaving my baby, i'm sort of psyched to go home. It really never fails - whenever i feel like i have to get away already, rest well and just be "safe"... a trip to Jakarta always comes up. It truly is my comfort zone. It used to be that Manila was hard to leave but as the years went on, i realized that leaving for Jakarta is something that i always need every year. I think i started feeling this way when third year started and IMC started rearing it's big, ugly head into my life. Jakarta becomes my "charger" - i recharge whenever i'm there. Everytime i come back from home, i always feel like i'm ready for anything again. haaayy.. now if only i can show my baby my home. that be really cool. *wishing*

of those that are "meant to be" sometimes things just happen in my life that i accept without any fighting on my part. sometimes naman, there are things that i just feel like i need to do or fight for without any concrete explanations and then... few days down the road, few weeks, months or a year... i see the reason for that particular action. and then i hear the phrase, "ahh.. it's just meant to be." like, fighting for ryan with all of my strength without me really knowing why i cared that much. 3 months later and it becomes clear like agreeing to go to UA&P when i really thought that my dream course was in La Salle. 2nd semester, freshman year, i realized why - I had to be in IMC right now... quitting Citibank even before i started because of issues stated below. sure it's sayang, but it's something i also have to do. does this mean, there is something else meant for me? because all this time i figured this thing would g...

I wanna go back to the beach! man, boracay really, truly is one of the best places on earth. i mean, where else can you relax and have fun at the same time? you can stay under the sun, lie around, be a pig, sleep and swim and be out dancing the night and drinking the night away. you're relaxed, yet you're up late at night. you're in peace, yet surround yourself with thumping bass. ahhh bliss... days in boracay go by really slowly. 3 days that i was there, i felt like i was out of manila for the longest time. and then you realize, it's only been 3 days! waaahh! i wanna go back! i wanna go swimming again, play with sand, lie down under the heat of the sun, eat good food, eat barbecue and drink beer in the middle of the afternoon, walk up and down the strip in search of good stuff to buy. i want to see the pristine blue green waters, feel the fine white sand underneath my feet and between my toes. i want to be able to go around in just a pair of shorts and a ...

I'm supposed to be packing up my stuff already but i just had to get this off my chest (not like i haven't had a lot of chances kanina.. this thing has been talked bout to death already. :P) anyway, earlier this morning i get a call from my boss in citibank as she was requesting to meet with me sometime late this afternoon (or yesterday as the case may be) or tomorrow. of course, i am off tomorrow so i told her i couldn't. so i'm sitting here thinking i must have done something wrong when she informs me that our director is insisting that i come in much, much earlier because they are swamped with projects with too little staff. of course i say i can't... since: 1. my tickets from may all the way to july have been booked and paid for and; 2. i told them upfront, even before they offered, that i was only available in july because of family matters. however, our director is apparently going quite ballistic, insisting that i do come in and that if i don'...

I saw Something's Gotta Give last night on DVD. it's a pretty good movie all, check it out. it made me laugh. :) last saturday was a pretty full day for me - i hung out my baby until late, watching Taking Lives and having dinner as well. After that, i went to Les' house to meet Kris, Kris&Allan, Caloy, Joe and Les for Les' bday inuman. Biglaan i guess! haha! but it was funny... as always! :D i still don't know how to play pusoy dos that well guys! :) i had dinner naman with kris and kris last sunday. that was fun man! i miss all the kwentos.. we should see each other more often! slow day today, didn't do much. altho i got my LAN card fixed so i am now back on DSL! yay! i really missed having fast internet the past week. :) i might be going off to jakarta in about two weeks... :P i'll have nothing to do there! aahh well... fucker man... i have to go on a diet! shet.. wla lang, i juz thought of it. basically a sucky day today.. only b...

I got asked out on a date today! *giggle* hehe... weird huh? i used to kid around with yan that we've never really gone out on a "real" date because he doesn't really ask me out...we just sort of plan. but then of course, since we're together, it's a date! hahaha! funny huh? but anyway, earlier today, i was having a fun conversation with my baby on the phone (i really miss conversations like those yan!) and he tells me that "date tayo sa fri ha?" yihee!! hahaha!! i'm going on a date!! hahahaha! ang weird ko... babaw ba?! hehe luv you much baby! *mwah* --==-- my best friend is in a bind. dude, i just wanted to tell you, don't worry... we'll find a way. there's always another way and we'll do all we can so it doesn't happen. i don't want you to move to the States too man! we're supposed to all go together!! :P i'll miss you too much. so you're not moving, not if i can help it anyway! :)...

comments are back! i put my comments link back.. la lang, in case anyone wants to? hehe. anyway, does anyone know to change the font of the "comment" link?? it's too damn big.. help....

can you figure me out? i'm rebelling a little... it's annoys me sometimes... it's something new, i'm not used to it all. but i did bring it on to myself. might as well get used to it a little. it's just that..... nevermind. not good to dwell. at least i still have my freedom. :) besides, i think i do the same thing anyway! =D

wow.. been out for quite a while. my LAN card has decided to fuck up on me.. therefore no DSL for a while. i'm on dial up right now and it feels strange to have to wait for pages to load. haaayy.. better get my LAN card fixed soon! --==-- anyway, can i just drop a line here and say how much i love my friends and Ryan?? i do, i do, i do! the past week and the past weekend has just been the best - hanging out with you guys is the best. altho i really do gotta say that we have to stop swimming in our clothes man!! hahahaha! :D but it was great fun, getting thrown is fun. and yes... i will try to do something crazy again at least. altho.. dude, crazy na ba yun?? hindi pa crazy yun ah!! hehe. :D --==-- sometimes i take a look at myself and realize i am very much an "ate". voice of reason, steady beacon, always remembering all these little things... yep, an ate. and yes, maybe because i'm such an ate, i'm so steady that eventhough i rebel or try to r...

I hate oversleeping! i woke up too late today resulting into more than 12 hours of sleep. now my eyes feel puffy, my head is heavy and i feel like i have no energy whatsoever. i dunno what happened, i was just too tamad to get up when i first woke up so i fell asleep again and now... this... arrrrggghh... i hate it!! add to the fact that it's extremely hot and one can't really move without sweating buckets. i've just taken a bath and i feel like taking another one uli... just so that i'm in the water and be refreshed. it truly, truly is summer. --==-- anyway, good news though.. i am about to see my baby and get to hang out with him for a while. we're going bisita iglesia! i hope he gets here soon... i've missed him quite a lot these past few days. i can't wait to see him. i hope he gets here na!! :)

Love Actually is a great movie. i might have already written bout it somewhere here and it's just that i saw it again just now and it made me think. right now, i'm thinking about my favorite line in the movie: What can be worse than the total agony of being in love? Really, what else can be worse than the total agony of being in love? :) ... of being in love with someone who doesn't know that you feel the same way about them ... of being in love and not being able to express it ... of being in love and knowing that it couldn't be and that it is forbidden ... of being in love and finally being able to have that chance only to find out that it was futile? or just plainly being in love. being totally totally in love. what could be an agony worse than that? sweet agony, really. :) this movie is just awesome in making you realise that really, love actually is all around. it also made me realise how lucky i am to be with someone who...

i'm sorry... for worrying you for fighting with you about worrying about me for being me. i promise i will try. just don't be mad anymore. please? :(

what is it bout limitations, advice or whatever that just makes me want to go run in the opposite direction?? it's a very tiring practice and yet, i am EXACTLY LIKE THAT. if i cannot do things my way, if things do not go the way i want them to, i get extremely bothered, annoyed and have that urge to do whatever it is that must be done so that I GET EXACTLY WHAT I WANT. aren't i just damn selfish??? i mean, people are just looking out for me. and yet, i always have the need to just follow ME. what I want to do. this is gonna get me into loads of trouble down the line i bet. so why, why, why am i like that?? is it good? is it bad? does it mean i know what i'm doing generally or am i just really so focused on myself that i don't really care bout what other people say? and the thing is, i really really try. help. *this spark of self-examination is brought to you by a series of emails that has got me thinking bout my attitude*

Oh yeah! It's so GREAT to be on holiday!!! i can't get over it... it's a monday tomorrow AND... there is no work to do no deadlines to think of no phone calls to make no professional conversations... there isn't even any homework to do or think about!! wow... all this time... on my hands... just for myself. now if only i had a driver so i can do all the responsibilities i have to fulfill tomorrow. (however, these i do not mind doing because they're just for me and i can do them in my own sweet time). awesome. I REALLY AM ON HOLIDAY!!! wohoo!!! =D

My last day as an official student Today (or ok, fine, yesterday, as it is already 12am), i walked through the hallways, went up the stairway, rode the elevator, crossed the streets and ate at the caf of UA&P for the last time... as an official student. Today marked the end of five grueling, yet extremely fun and enjoyable, years of school. Today really gave "no more pencils, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks" its true meaning. this is it man... we are never going back to school. how do i feel? happy and sad. it's bittersweet really. at dinner today with the people i have spent the last three years with, i realized that we no longer had a reason to see each other regularly. i realized then and there, that the times where we are gathered around booze and food will become few and far in between (unless we really worked hard at it). Damn! i'm really really gonna miss everyone pretty bad. the past three years have been some of ...