my First blog

so damn much, every single fucking day haaay...

ohmigawd. i am ... surprised! i'm stuck on ohmigawd-mode. i truly can't explain how i'm feeling right at this moment. i am surprised, like i said. i am over-the-top, walking-on-air, PSG-happy. i may actually cry. and i'm still keeping my mouth shut! ahahahahahaha!!!! :D

I WANT TO TELL!!! :D but i'm keeping my mouth shut. haha

masaya. masaya. masaya. =D -==- the episode from last night is over. all i remember now is what was said in church yesterday. i am safe. i know now for sure that i am.

bitterness is also unnecessary. this will echo glads' blog, but well, we have the same sentiments. if yesterday it was envy i was trying to shake, today it is bitterness. just does not seem fair that there are always people, friends in fact, who seemingly have it easier. of course, we all live pretty good and privileged lives borne out of our parents' hardwork. everything seems easy to us. but a lot of us also weren't born this way. i was not. i guess the value there is, i know how much hard work can give me the things i want. that was lesson number one from dad. it took time for things to be easy for us. now while i know that this is the case, and i surely don't mind (i was raised that way), i am still bitter in some way. i am bitter at those who can say they are about to do something without even blinking an eyelash. there are those who are given exactly what you want for yourself, without any problems. and yet, all i have are dreams and plans in my head with absolute...

STOP envy is unnecessary.

sakote goes to subic in a few hours. i'm still sad that sayang can't go because he has a shoot this weekend... :p and to think, when the subic trip was being planned, this weekend was still free for both of us. we were both pretty psyched to go! :p ah well... such is our jobs. :p back tomorrow tho!

random thoughts are back. :p -==- i haven't thought about a certain thing in such a long time. it takes one major statement like last night's to make everything come rushing back again. i wasn't lying when i said i'd stopped being scared so long ago that i've forgotten i ever was. in fact, i'm not now at all. where i am now is where i've felt safest ever. i guess you can't really help statements like last night's, given that they were formed based on other people's opinions and hearsay. and that general statements like last night stem from people who don't know anything at all. but i am hurt thinking that, most likely, in some people's eyes, i am this point they're waiting to prove. which makes me want to say that i'm not some point you're going to be able to prove ever. but i can't. and that's not because i don't have faith, but i figure statements like that shouldn't be really made until you have tangible p...

was fucking hilarious!! haha :D mababaw, but hilarious. haha. :D i had fun watching it last night, for sure. -==- i can't wait for this week to be over! at least what i thought would be the major shit of this week turned out okay. i hope i'm not jinxing myself. i can't wait to get out of here. again. as always. :p

3 day-holiday = BLISS. so it was a three-day holiday. it was great. ended it with the Devil Wears Prada last night with sayangku. luuurrvved it. lurved her clothes! :) luuurrvvveee sayangku. oh, and it's still a holiday today though, for us publicis people. i feel bad having to text people about work. :p i don't want to go back to work. apparently, it's a holiday on monday again? kick ass.... :D

medyo mahirap if you can't be a brat about it. you can't be that little kid who'd sulk in one corner because it isn't fair. nope. you can't do anything about it really, but to wait. and siguro be sad. =( kasalanan nya to. senti pa rin ako hanggang ngayon. kasi totoo naman, napakaraming gusto, hindi magawa. maraming kailangan unahin. maraming mas importante. maraming kailangan maayos muna. hindi naman pwede na hindi maayos ang lahat. hindi din naman maganda. pero bakit, sa lahat, parang kami ang huli? naisip ko kagabi, siguro dahil pinaka-stable (?). pinaka-hindi kailangan. yun yung, out of everything, pwedeng mag-antay. mag-antay. magaling naman ako dun eh. magaling kami pareho. kaso, mahirap kung pareho kaming maging restless. yung mainip ng sabay. kaya yung inip at restlessness na yan, itatabi ko na muna. ako ang unang magsasabi na ok lang (kasi ok naman talaga). yung magsasabi na kaya (kasi kaya naman tlga) at yung magsasabi na isa-isa lang, wag pagsabay-sabayin ...

don't knock it, i know it's an adam sandler movie. but since when did adam sandler movies disappoint? you always get what you pay for. anyway, click was a surprise though... i thought it'd be happy and funny all throughout but no. i cried! goodness, and i haven't cried in movies in a looonnngg time. anyway, here are things i learnt from Click: 1. Family first. needs no explanation. 2. Appreciate your parents they brought you up and they love you unconditionally. they may have faults but deep down, you know you love them more than life itself. 3. Always have time for your kids be it the littlest class function or the biggest event, be there. no excuses. they grow up fast. 4. Work is a rubber ball. remember that little story about how we juggle five balls in life? Four are glass balls that represent your family, faith, health and... hmm..i forgot the fourth ball. You drop them, you break them forever. But the point is, the last ball you juggle is a rubber ball, to represe...

1) you need time to get used to things. the longer that i am here, the more comfortable i feel. i don't think it'll ever really be home though, at least it's getting more familiar. i've a lot more patience. and i appreciate all the time i have in my hands to do things properly. granted, there are still other things that need to get done but hey, one thing at a time right? and i'm slowly getting used to things. 2) you need time to fix things. uhh.. enough said. no matter how much you try to push it, if it ain't ready, it's not gonna happen. but that doesn't mean you can't try... 3) you need time to let things settle you can't rush for things to be better right away. this is why we're given time to mourn. be angry. get used to things. eventually, things fall into place and voila, things are normal. you can look back and realize that so much time has passed without you realizing it and you can legitimately say, "it was a long time ago....

it feels good not to be thinking so much. but now that i've written that down, i'm probably going to start wondering why i'm not thinking so much lately. i think though, i should just stop and revel in the fact that my mind isn't buzzing with continuous thoughts for once. at least i'm not all that tired from trying to determine incomprehensible streams of thought. :) -==- i found myself in Greenbelt Chapel during lunch today. This despite refusing Gui's offer to go to mass. i don't know why, i just felt compelled to sit there for a while and talk to God. Which I did. For a good solid 20mins. I even cried. Nothing is wrong, i promise. Everything is fine. But it felt so great being in that church today. It felt great to "talk". It's probably the reason why my mind's finally on rest mode. I gave up all my thoughts today, Someone else is holding them all for me. When i'm ready to think again, I'll just get them back. :) so for now, mind...

so the weekend was basically booze. and friends. and cameras. :) having sacrificed friday gimik, completely missing out on UDD in favor of sleep (yes, i couldn't drag myself out of bed), i was fine and dandy saturday and sunday. enough to go as far as marikina for cholo's birthday party. and steady enough on sunday to be hanging out at town. saturday pretty much started normally. gym in the afternoon. walked around glorietta for the rest of the day, mallrats that we are. at around 9, we start travelling over to Marikina (good Lord, why the hell does Marikina just seem too damn far?!) for cholo's big birthday bash. Two DJs. Lots and lots of drinks (FREE! sympre). Extremely salty chicken lollipops aside (i love chicken lollipops pa naman! :p), i had fun watching everyone get drunk on beer, beer with extra joss (sarap! but i had a heavy head after), tequila shots, arctic vodka shots and some mix of arctic with something (it was so fruity, you couldn't taste alcohol at all)...

so i've realized lately that you can wish all you want, but you need a hand in it in order to make it come true. you can make up a wishlist, ask for a miracle everyday for two weeks straight but nothing will happen unless you get up off your ass and do something about it. as a kid, you'd think of wishes as things that appear out of nowhere - think fairy godmother, grants a wish with a wave of her wand. you don't forget about wishing when you get older, but you can't keep thinking that it'll come true with a wave of a wand. you need to have a hand in it somehow. get the wheels moving in the right direction. cross your fingers that they go the direction you want. and viola, wish come true. :) it's a lot, lot harder for some wishes (they come with blood, sweat and tears) but it's easily done for others. part of the fun in wishing is dreaming it'll come true. the most fun part though, is watching them unfold and come true right in front of your eyes... and k...

tuluy-tuluyin na kaya. haha! gusto ko mag-trip. para... wala lang... :) edit: ahaha, nag-trip nga. this should be fun!! :)

you know how there's that irrational fear that if you dream so much, you may jinx it? i think this stems from pamahiins like, if you dream about something while sleeping, the opposite will happen... unless you dream it in the morning. or something like that. or how sometimes elders say that if you think about it, the opposite will happen. it's RIDICULOUS. sometimes, i'm scared to dream for fear of jinxing it. but lately, that's all i've done. dream. plan. and now i'm crossing my fingers that i don't jinx it because the dreams are real enough. the plans are real enough. i'm just waiting for them to come true! haaay...

last night, you beat me to it. i wanted to say thanks too. haha so here na lang. :) the one thing i wanted to thank you about was how you gave my life so much color. and purpose. and meaning. cheesy as that may sound, but i really really truly love life now because of you. it feels like everything's been magnified by your mere presence in my life. i am acutely aware of how much i love my family. of how much i love my friends. of the importance of everything that i've got and the dreams in my head. everyday, i am bowled over by the blessings in my lap, bowled over by you. i don't think i've ever felt this loved in my entire life. and for that, thank you sayang. the rest of my life thanks you too. :)

i want to write about the 1800 Tequila Party, but i want to do so with pictures! so paging iya kalaw, please email over pictures na! i'll edit this na lang. ahaha, but that night was a blast tho. had fun dancing to Boyet Almazan... and i'm still no big fan of techno because i was bored by Manolet Dario. ahaha! :p open bar yet again, but only took advantage of rum and cokes (and half the time, the glass i was drinking wasn't even mine. haha!). for some reason, i still can't stomach straight shots of tequila (and Tequila Night at Tapas Tapas was a looonngg time ago!). one day, i'll manage that again. :D left a little after one and headed over to 121 with sayangku, Ige and Waya. I love it whenever Ige is "fabulously drunk" (quoting directly) because he's funnier pa! ahaha! :) brought him home where he "slid fabulously" out of the car. classic. :) saturday was a quieter night. headed over to Timog to watch 20 Questions (finally). It's ok, but...