random thoughts
random thoughts are back. :p
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i haven't thought about a certain thing in such a long time. it takes one major statement like last night's to make everything come rushing back again. i wasn't lying when i said i'd stopped being scared so long ago that i've forgotten i ever was. in fact, i'm not now at all. where i am now is where i've felt safest ever.
i guess you can't really help statements like last night's, given that they were formed based on other people's opinions and hearsay. and that general statements like last night stem from people who don't know anything at all.
but i am hurt thinking that, most likely, in some people's eyes, i am this point they're waiting to prove.
which makes me want to say that i'm not some point you're going to be able to prove ever.
but i can't.
and that's not because i don't have faith, but i figure statements like that shouldn't be really made until you have tangible proof. after all, people place a lot of stock in tangible proof.
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i must say though, that one of the greatest lessons i've learnt in the past year is that i don't owe everyone any explanations at all. i've learnt to just listen to and hear the voices that count rather than hearing all the other background noise.
there are certain, important people who will know almost a little about everything. and they are the ones who accept statements from me as it is. and that's because they know me.
so in relation to the point above, i don't care what they think really. promise. they don't know me. they don't know everything about me. they don't know the things i see, the things i hear, the things i experience everyday.
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the nice thing about the unwritten, hardly ever spoken about "no secrets" stance is that i know it all. good shit and bad shit. in fact, i have known it all since the beginning. and it wasn't some agreement that was spoken out loud. it just happened to be that way and things never changed since.
that is the reason why nothing about the past hardly ever surprises me. that is the reason why i can sit back and take the piss out of the person everyone else is trying to "make laglag' and have fun with that. that is why i sit back and laugh, all the time. i know it. and if everyone's just started to give shit about it, too late... i've already done that.
-==-
i've had my fair share of little warnings before, all from well-meaning friends. i guess, again, to those who don't know anything, i may have looked like i jumped in with eyes closed.
actually... no.
eyes were wide open from the start. i made a conscious decision to get to know a person just a little bit better. totally based on nagging instinct that i just had to .
and now i do know someone a lot better. and it's funny to realize how there are really a lot who don't really know anything about him at all.
but i'm glad i do. :)
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biggest fear?
that you'll go and disappoint me anyway.
again, i have lots and lots of faith. so that shouldn't matter.
-==-
sometimes you just realize that the past truly does not make a person unless they make it that way. sure, the significant parts somehow have an impact. but people change. especially if they were the ones who decided to change themselves.
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bakit ako, wala akong masyadong past? ahaha, wala lang. random lang. buti nga ata yon eh.
-==-
but yeah.
weekend na.
tama na ang random thoughts. :)
-==-
i haven't thought about a certain thing in such a long time. it takes one major statement like last night's to make everything come rushing back again. i wasn't lying when i said i'd stopped being scared so long ago that i've forgotten i ever was. in fact, i'm not now at all. where i am now is where i've felt safest ever.
i guess you can't really help statements like last night's, given that they were formed based on other people's opinions and hearsay. and that general statements like last night stem from people who don't know anything at all.
but i am hurt thinking that, most likely, in some people's eyes, i am this point they're waiting to prove.
which makes me want to say that i'm not some point you're going to be able to prove ever.
but i can't.
and that's not because i don't have faith, but i figure statements like that shouldn't be really made until you have tangible proof. after all, people place a lot of stock in tangible proof.
-==-
i must say though, that one of the greatest lessons i've learnt in the past year is that i don't owe everyone any explanations at all. i've learnt to just listen to and hear the voices that count rather than hearing all the other background noise.
there are certain, important people who will know almost a little about everything. and they are the ones who accept statements from me as it is. and that's because they know me.
so in relation to the point above, i don't care what they think really. promise. they don't know me. they don't know everything about me. they don't know the things i see, the things i hear, the things i experience everyday.
-==-
the nice thing about the unwritten, hardly ever spoken about "no secrets" stance is that i know it all. good shit and bad shit. in fact, i have known it all since the beginning. and it wasn't some agreement that was spoken out loud. it just happened to be that way and things never changed since.
that is the reason why nothing about the past hardly ever surprises me. that is the reason why i can sit back and take the piss out of the person everyone else is trying to "make laglag' and have fun with that. that is why i sit back and laugh, all the time. i know it. and if everyone's just started to give shit about it, too late... i've already done that.
-==-
i've had my fair share of little warnings before, all from well-meaning friends. i guess, again, to those who don't know anything, i may have looked like i jumped in with eyes closed.
actually... no.
eyes were wide open from the start. i made a conscious decision to get to know a person just a little bit better. totally based on nagging instinct that i just had to .
and now i do know someone a lot better. and it's funny to realize how there are really a lot who don't really know anything about him at all.
but i'm glad i do. :)
-==-
biggest fear?
that you'll go and disappoint me anyway.
again, i have lots and lots of faith. so that shouldn't matter.
-==-
sometimes you just realize that the past truly does not make a person unless they make it that way. sure, the significant parts somehow have an impact. but people change. especially if they were the ones who decided to change themselves.
-==-
bakit ako, wala akong masyadong past? ahaha, wala lang. random lang. buti nga ata yon eh.
-==-
but yeah.
weekend na.
tama na ang random thoughts. :)
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